When I was a baby there's pictures of me with a light pink ABC blanket that I would drag around the house, and carry with me.
When I was a child I had a blanket that my grandmother made me. It was brown fuzzy on the inside, and had pound puppies on the outside.
I would hide under that blanket and then I knew I was safe. I would take it on trips, I'd bring it in the car when it was cold outside. (because I didn't have heated seats.
As I grew up, certain comforts were taken from me, and my blanket was MY safe place. It was my place of help and healing. When I would have bad days in high school I'd hide under that blanket. I'd pretend that as long as I didn't come out that I would be fine.
When I was in college my step mom made me a fuzzy cowboys blanket that I've always had with me. When I'm sick, or went into the hospital this blue fuzzy blanket was with me. Shielding me from the pains I knew were about to happen.
When I had my first heartbreak, this blanket snuggled me.
I guess in life I am always finding ways to externally comfort myself, which has become blatantly obvious as I've gotten older and naturally more stress has come my way. I would just wrap myself up in this blanket and wait for the bad feelings to go away, then I'd go about my life, never truly address my feelings or how this was effecting me.
I needed to start somewhere so I chatted with a bunch of my people to see how they dealt with things.. and here's some highlights.
After hearing these results, not only did I notice that I'm not alone in the slightest, but I knew I needed to figure out something that was healthier.. because all of those.. in and of themselves are security comfort blankets. They are ways to shield ourselves from what we are truly feeling, they are distractions.
Lately, I've been looking deeper into my soul, and into the connection emotions have on the body. How things build up, and how your body naturally reacts when things are suppressed.. (I know.. super hippie.. but hey, there's gotta be something too it if it's actually a profession).
So one night I got HELLA real with myself. I wrote it all out, I documented what was going on, why I was mad, who I thought has caused me to feel this way, and I just wrote and wrote and wrote. Until finally I was looking directly at my feelings, directly at the situation that I had been trying to avoid, it was there, I couldn't hide from it anymore, because I saw it in the light of day.
and well now.. that's all I've got.. cause I'm still not sure how to process those feelings, I just finally can see that they are there, and there's no more distractions that can heal this.
So I crawled under my blanket, and I told myself everything would be okay.
At least I'm not hiding anymore, but in a sense is destroyed my safety blanket, because those feelings are all with me, under this blanket.
When I was a child I had a blanket that my grandmother made me. It was brown fuzzy on the inside, and had pound puppies on the outside.
I would hide under that blanket and then I knew I was safe. I would take it on trips, I'd bring it in the car when it was cold outside. (because I didn't have heated seats.
As I grew up, certain comforts were taken from me, and my blanket was MY safe place. It was my place of help and healing. When I would have bad days in high school I'd hide under that blanket. I'd pretend that as long as I didn't come out that I would be fine.
When I was in college my step mom made me a fuzzy cowboys blanket that I've always had with me. When I'm sick, or went into the hospital this blue fuzzy blanket was with me. Shielding me from the pains I knew were about to happen.
When I had my first heartbreak, this blanket snuggled me.
I guess in life I am always finding ways to externally comfort myself, which has become blatantly obvious as I've gotten older and naturally more stress has come my way. I would just wrap myself up in this blanket and wait for the bad feelings to go away, then I'd go about my life, never truly address my feelings or how this was effecting me.
I needed to start somewhere so I chatted with a bunch of my people to see how they dealt with things.. and here's some highlights.
"I use alcohol. I mean if I'm drinking I'm having fun, and if I'm having fun life's getting better right?"
"I bake"
I trust *insert whatever deity they worship.
I work out / yoga, run, lift, weights, and spin class
"Honestly, I sleep around.. "
"I think I eat a lot when I need that security"
I use my husband / wife they help me through it
"I distract myself.. literally, I pretend it's not happening."
After hearing these results, not only did I notice that I'm not alone in the slightest, but I knew I needed to figure out something that was healthier.. because all of those.. in and of themselves are security comfort blankets. They are ways to shield ourselves from what we are truly feeling, they are distractions.
Lately, I've been looking deeper into my soul, and into the connection emotions have on the body. How things build up, and how your body naturally reacts when things are suppressed.. (I know.. super hippie.. but hey, there's gotta be something too it if it's actually a profession).
So one night I got HELLA real with myself. I wrote it all out, I documented what was going on, why I was mad, who I thought has caused me to feel this way, and I just wrote and wrote and wrote. Until finally I was looking directly at my feelings, directly at the situation that I had been trying to avoid, it was there, I couldn't hide from it anymore, because I saw it in the light of day.
and well now.. that's all I've got.. cause I'm still not sure how to process those feelings, I just finally can see that they are there, and there's no more distractions that can heal this.
So I crawled under my blanket, and I told myself everything would be okay.
At least I'm not hiding anymore, but in a sense is destroyed my safety blanket, because those feelings are all with me, under this blanket.
Comments
Post a Comment