Living Life Under 5 Foot

Well, I haven't updated this lately.. well because I've started a few other blogs. One would be for my speaking career. You can find this at www.shaymotivation.com The other is for my new career, you can find it here at www.SymbolSyn.com Both of these are exciting adventures for me, and I would love for anyone following, to check out these, and see what I can do to help you. Feel free to continue to email me with any questions or concerns regarding life, and I will try my best to research and answer in a timely manner. Thanks for all the love, this is an exciting adventure for me! Loves, Shay!

Today is one of those days.  One of those days when my mind returns to previous years.  It turns to a laughter thats so contagious you soon would be laughing tears.  My mind turns to memories of growing up. Of spending as much time in the sun as possible.  It turns to old days when you weren't so far away.  I smile when I think of the time you made fun of me losing my voice.  The popsicles we would sneak before, during, and after hours. When they say "everything happens for a reason." I always pray that they are right. Because right now, this doesn't feel like a reason, more over it feels like torture.  When people tell me I will see you again, it hurts me to my very core. Because sometimes when I close my eyes, you are not gone from this life. Sometimes my best friend is right beside me.  But today, I'm reminded, you are not.  And I can't help but feel the sting of the hole you left in my life. So even though you wou

I can recall all the times I've cried. I know that sounds silly, but hey, I'm a little odd. I can remember crying when I was a child over my cousin biting my teddy bears head off. I cried when I moved to Canada. I cried when I got attacked by a hornets nest. I cried when my cousin scared me so bad I fell out of my house. I cried the day I understood what it meant to be alone. And I cried when I lost you. I've cried in joy, in happiness, in fear,  sadness, and I've cried in grief. Some cultures think it's healthy to cry, to let out those emotions that are on the inside, yet our culture tends to frown upon tears as to some it seems like a showing of weakness. Me? I tried to not cry in public because crying hurts my eyes, it hurts my brain, and it thoroughly hurts my pride. To admit I'm feeling a pain I cannot express is a difficult thing to measure up to. Yet sometimes without warning things that have been suppressed emerge through my eyes. But l

Saying goodbye to consistency. That's how I felt when a new driver took my 1994 Toyota Camry. For those of you who have ever sat or had the privilege of driving in my car would attest that this wouldn't be something to even feel remotely sad about. Since she (my car we will call her Rikka) sounded like a dump truck, only unlocked from the passenger door, rattled whenever we sped up, radio didn't work because the antenna was snipped.. and many more funny quirks, it still was a little bitter sweet, and here's why. I bought my car when I was 17 for only $1,500, she then moved me to Utah with my whole life in her, drove me to school, work, shopping, and back to Canada when my friends were killed, I sat in her when I cried, she listened to me belt out my favourite songs (which isn't pretty because I'm a terrible singer). Anytime I've prepped for a speech, she gets to be the thing to hear it over and over again. She then moved me back to Canada to experience m

I wouldn't classify myself as an overly emotional human. Some might even say unemotional. But Me? I say that's not true. I tend to show happiness and anger (very well) on a consistent basis. Well, this girl went to a children's movie called Inside Out (Warning there are spoilers throughout) Anyways, there I was sitting with my pop and popcorn and was expecting to be entertained. Instead I had my heart pulled out of my chest and placed nicely in my hands, making me feel as if this movie was about my life, and that I needed to examine it.  Needless to say this unemotional girl held back tears in a pixar movie. This is why. Grief. It's a hard emotion to wrap around. This film is about a girl who at the age of 12 gets uprooted from her life, moves across the country, losing relationships with all old friends, and barely being able to see her father. Basically all sense of stability is stolen from her. How the film continues is through the 'lives' of t

I recently entered a scholarship essay for what you would say to your past self.  This is my entry, feel free to give feedback.  Shay, There is so much I want to tell you, but somehow I feel like that will take the much needed mystery out of life. All I can offer is vague statements that cover basic topics you will deal with  throughout your life. Shay, life is so valuable, and soon you will understand the meaning of a moment, therefore spend your time with those people and things who actually matter, don't waste it on frivolous things.  Go easy on the teenage years. I promise it's a tough enough time for everyone, maybe try to make it easier on those who are in your life. Find something that you are passionate about, and spend the time needed to become amazing at it. Talents are more important than you could ever imagine. You can make it through everything that is going to come your way, if you stand true to your smile, and keep smiling, you will conquer. That'

We don't chose how we get hurt in life. But we do get a choice in who hurts us.  Forgive me for the lack of blogs lately, life has seemed to combust on the hinges and I didn't know what to write as emptiness filled my soul to the deepest parts. Then over the past few days I kept thinking, I need to do something. Therefore I went on a walk, and gathered some thoughts. Here are my raw thoughts.  I am not strong enough for the life that was given me. ( Now this is not a depression post.) But it's true. I'm not strong enough. In my weak moments when I'm alone, I sob. I hurt, and I sometimes can't move. I simply am not strong enough.  I know some of you are thinking that this cannot be the case because you see me climbing things, dancing, socializing, going to work, and carrying on with my life. And yes, I do do all those things. I accomplish them because of the people that are in my life that hold me up when I want to give up. I venture to hope I help oth

Dear people of the blog world, please do not take the following as ranting, please finishing reading. This year has been..... unexpected. Hard in very different ways from last year. I mean last year stretched me, taught me, hurt me, and loved me. This year? It's almost broken me. Grief is one of the most powerful human emotions a brain and body can feel. Why is that you ask? It's because it's the only emotional pain that manifests itself physically. My grieving process was intensified by losing my grandpa Eric. Now go ahead and say whatever you want like, "well he lived a full life" or "he's out of pain" or "He's watching over you" or "how are you doing?" Any of those will get you a swift punch to the throat. Why? (you may ask) Because, it's my grief and you cannot tell me how to grieve. Those words aren't comforting. They don't fix the gapping hole in my life where a life used to be. I know those thin

Sometimes we get it wrong. We simply get it wrong. On occasion it's because we are too stubborn to admit we are wrong, other  times its because we just didn't know. But just because we got it wrong doesn't mean we have to stay in pain for the rest of our young lives. It doesn't mean our hearts will be shattered forever. You know that saying, the one everyone says when you break up? It goes a little like this, 'At least you learned something.... right? ' Gosh. Doesn't that phrase piss you off? Yes, it bothers me as well. It takes time, TONS of time before a glimmer can even happen. After dating a man for almost two years, and being alone for the past year, I have decided to try what they all say, and figure out what I learned. Here are the ramblings of a stressed out college girl piecing her life together. Lesson 1: Not all the time is it a 'me' problem.  A relationship takes two willing adults to make it function. No matter how hard you try,

Two months down, and it feels like forever to go, and  not in the good way. PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! Put down your phones, and spend time with people in your life. Open up to everyone. Life is too short to hold grudges, be angry, and be alone. Find people who bring happiness, and cherish every minute with them. At the end of the day it won't be the amount of money you've made that makes you happy. It's the memories that form in the unlikeliest of places. I don't often open up about things, but this week has me raw. My cousin Teina was such a dear, close friend. Sometimes I would say we were sisters. Our sense of humour was the same (which made telling jokes easy) She loved life, and loved people (even though she pretended to hate them) there was a happiness about her that I have yet to find with her begin gone, and I won't ever find it. Time doesn't heal us, time allows us to grow, learn, cope and develop. For the rest of my life I will miss my Teina,

Yes, that's the starting line to the theme song from the hit TV series Friends. Have I started watching it for the first time? Yes again. We are told since we are young that as we grow up we gain responsibility, maturity, happy memories, and we build a life. The things people tend to leave out is that life doesn't tell us the way all those will happen. We just know they will. As I have been mourning and dealing with my sweet cousins death, I watched friends, and heard that first line and realized that's how I felt. NO ONE TOLD ME. No one told me my life would look like this, I couldn't have guessed this is where I would be, or this is what I would have had to go through to get here.  I'm not saying my life is hard, because trust me, I don't want to poke that horse, life could be a lot worse, and thankfully it's not. But that doesn't mean we don't all hurt, or feel a little stolen in the way things turn out. When my friend Renzo was kill

With the nearing valentine's I've had many people comment for thoughts on Valentines. Here is the Shay! response. Supports. We've all been them, or we've all needed them.  Many times in my life I have thought I could make it on my own, or didn't need a person's help. Then I fell in love for the first time. I fell in love with my best friend. It was hard, rewarding, loving, and opened my heart to many feelings. Distance and life finally broke us apart, and well, now, I don't think he could tell you much about me. (why do I tell you this? Just wait, the point is coming.. keep reading) There were times in my life I believed I couldn't get through without him, and things I didn't want to go through without him, but then something changed as I learned to be alone. Even though I'm single, there are people I can rely on. Solid people in my life to help me through the toughest days, the darkest nights, and the lonely times. Some of them are

I've been taking this Bio class called environmental issues, and to put it lightly, there's not a whole lot that I like about it. However I found something useful this week, maybe something that touched me more than it should have. There are different types of changes in the environment. For example: Resilience :  is the ability for the environment to bounce back after something drastic happens. Like a tornado, or a hurricane. Let's put this into people's lives, this is like a break up, or the ending of a friendship. It hurts, it even devastates you but give it time, all things will go back to it's natural state. However long that takes, it will heal. You will heal. Then.. There's a change called a state shift . This is uncommon in the environment, because of it's tragic and lasting effects. A state shift means no matter how hard the environment tries, it will never be how it was before, it's changed and can't be reversed. Now let's

Grief is a part of life. Something that none of us can escape. Me? I tend to think I'm bad at grieving. Let me explain. I'm really good at distracting, putting up a happy face, and being strong for those around me. I'm incredibly good at masking certain emotions, and even better at helping others forget their grief. But when I'm alone, it all hits me, and then I don't know how to deal. Let me start at the beginning. Teina was born June 16 1993 to Rod and Sherylin Lowry. We had many things in common, like our dark hair, we both had dark eyes, loved our Grandpa Atwood,  She liked volleyball, I did as well, We both played soccer, and liked to scare our moms with random stuff we would do. She was a good baby, and well I was not. Fast Forward- we were both 7 and Aunt Sherylin had the lovely joy of taking care of both of us, Teina the quiet one (at the time) and me (the not so quiet one). Oh the adventures we had, the games we created. Sometimes we would drive my

A strong phrase to start a strong new year. "But I will be."  Life won't be what we want it to be. Things don't always turn out the way we hoped, dreamed, and even worked towards. There will be days, weeks, and sometimes months when you won't be okay. But you will be. Bam. There's that phrase.  Here, I'll continue.. There will be things you won't be good at. But you will be.  Things you don't have, but one day you will be blessed with them.  People you aren't around anymore, but one day they will be. Heart aches that make you feel not okay, but one day, you will be.  This phrase. It's my phrase for this year. I may not be okay right now, but I will be . I may not be healed, but I will be . I may still struggle but one day I will be stronger. Think of the power this phrase can have in your life. It takes any darkness, and pessimism and it changes it to light and positivity.  It's 2015. You are the only one in control