Living Life Under 5 Foot

Yes. I said it. I also thoroughly agree with that statement. Here's why. As I've been going through pretty huge and life-changing medical problems, my family has been physically nowhere near me. Granted my intestine decided to swell up in Saskatoon, which isn't convenient for anyone. It's given me so much time to think, in some scary and painful moments. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a religious person,  However from what I know, God, helped those in need, he didn't just pray for the sick,  he visited them, and he served them. Let's imagine that when that blind guy came to he Jesus, Jesus said, "You're in my thoughts and prayers" and then left. That story would have turned out very differently. We all do and say things in our lives almost out of habit. Like think of how many times you've said "Hey how are you?" and not actually listened for the answer. Lots, I know. I do this ALL the time, and I'm working incr...

I can recall all the times I've cried. I know that sounds silly, but hey, I'm a little odd. I can remember crying when I was a child over my cousin biting my teddy bears head off. I cried when I moved to Canada. I cried when I got attacked by a hornets nest. I cried when my cousin scared me so bad I fell out of my house. I cried the day I understood what it meant to be alone. And I cried when I lost you. I've cried in joy, in happiness, in fear,  sadness, and I've cried in grief. Some cultures think it's healthy to cry, to let out those emotions that are on the inside, yet our culture tends to frown upon tears as to some it seems like a showing of weakness. Me? I tried to not cry in public because crying hurts my eyes, it hurts my brain, and it thoroughly hurts my pride. To admit I'm feeling a pain I cannot express is a difficult thing to measure up to. Yet sometimes without warning things that have been suppressed emerge through my eyes. But l...

I recently entered a scholarship essay for what you would say to your past self.  This is my entry, feel free to give feedback.  Shay, There is so much I want to tell you, but somehow I feel like that will take the much needed mystery out of life. All I can offer is vague statements that cover basic topics you will deal with  throughout your life. Shay, life is so valuable, and soon you will understand the meaning of a moment, therefore spend your time with those people and things who actually matter, don't waste it on frivolous things.  Go easy on the teenage years. I promise it's a tough enough time for everyone, maybe try to make it easier on those who are in your life. Find something that you are passionate about, and spend the time needed to become amazing at it. Talents are more important than you could ever imagine. You can make it through everything that is going to come your way, if you stand true to your smile, and keep smiling, you will conquer...

As always I like to sum up the year, month by month.. however that post comes the first day of January. Look for it.  Today, I will sum up the biggest part of my 2013 year through music lyrics of songs that I feel have touched me, inspired me, or reminded me.  Enjoy.  I heard the doctor, but what did he say, I knew I was fine about this time yesterday.- Ben Rector, When a Heart Breaks.  If you're lost and alone, or you're sinking like a stone, Carry on. - FUN, Carry On. It's time to defy gravity- Wicked, Defying Gravity  It's the way you do the things you do that make me fall in love with you- Rocket to the Moon, Dakota  It's okay not to be okay, sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are- Jessie J, Who you are. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, what doesn't kill you makes you a fighter- Kelly Clarkson, Stronger You can't carry i...

A bet most people don't know this.  This time last year, I was bleeding internally. The funny thing about this fact, is not only did most people not know, I didn't know. This time last year I was in immense pain, and had no understanding of what the next year would hold for me. Each day we get a chance to live life, to come together, and to be better. This is a simple fact that often people take and waste by watching movies, texting, hiding feelings, and doing nothing. Me? I almost lost my life, so I quickly had to change that. I used to think I had all the time in the world to make a difference, and to change, but that's not true. None of us know the time we have left, therefore we need to stop holding our life in. Life's for the living so we better start living. Last Thanksgiving I spent it with some family, and some friends. Even though I had troubles eating, sleeping, and standing I remember enjoying it. Within 2 weeks I would hit rock bottom without an...

In this world today, we are often asked what we believe, because we have to have something we believe in otherwise this world seems dim and dark. We need a belief system, something to support us. In todays trials it's a necessity. I came across the talk by Elder Jeffery R Holland from the LDS General Conference in April. "Lord, I believe." LOOK IT UP. http://youtu.be/2nPY22FoDpY Shay's thoughts. Often we lead our lives with what we don't know, but as I do that it makes me question what I do know. If I change it to leading with what I do know, there is something firm to stand on. This world changes so fast, mostly in way we don't want it to, ways we don't plan, and places our hearts don't want to believe. Sometimes it's difficult to understand why things happen, or why we are going through them. For me I struggle understanding why some prayers are answered and others seem to be forgotten, but then I am remember that I am living for the...

When I was 15 and 16 I was struggling with a bone disease.  One that sometimes was hard to fight, it hurt, and I was in pain. I couldn't live a normal teenage life. In fact I spent more time in hospitals and meeting with doctors than I did with many other things in my life. I had to quit sports, otherwise according to one doctor, "By age 21 I could be in a wheelchair." It was intimidating, to have my whole life change in such a drastic way, therefore in a way I gave up on myself. At the time I remember my dad telling me that after my surgery I would be able to run again, and play sports again, I just had to let my body heal.  FAST FORWARD 4 YEARS.  This year I started playing indoor soccer, nothing super big. But then everything with my internal bleeding happened.  Fast forward through, 1 cancer scare, 2 radiation treatments, 3 months basically on bedrest, and then my hair turning to crap.  This July 20th, on my 20th birthday I ran a 5...

Fear is a funny thing.  It sometimes can motivate us,  Or hibernate us. It can stretch us to accomplish the unthinkable  Or it can shrink us to be below our potential.  I have fears.  Real fears.  Every day.  Just like everyone else. 

Today was one of those days. Everything seemed to pile up on me Life seemed to be against me in fact a semi drove past me and now I have a chip the size of a softball in my BRAND NEW wind shield. Needless to say I could feel myself snapping. and I did something today That I normally don't do. I called my Bishop. Yup that's right. I asked for help. Him and I talked about my recent health, job situation  family stuff, and frankly just how far away my life seems to be from the picture I was planning in my head. Sometimes it's just upsetting. Then he told me, "Find little things that make you smile." Here they are. The Show "Easy A" I am thankful every freakin' day that I'm not in high school.  It's glorious.  My family who gives me a reason to smile.  My dad supports and continues to love me no matter the choices I make.  He inspires me to be a better person to become something.  And he always makes m...

We are our own greatest critic.  Health is a valuable thing. It's one of those things you take for granted until it's gone. Much like a cold. It's always a wonderful thing to breathe through both nostrils until you realize you can only breathe through one you are so much more thankful again.  Much like hair, it bothers you and you have bad hair days, but you are so thankful that you can grow beautiful hair.  Just like a mistake, sometimes we slip up and make them, sometimes we do them on purpose, and sometimes they happen without us even thinking about it.  No matter the struggle, the trial, the mistake, or the challenge. We are all dealing with different hidden obstacles. We complain, and sometimes we suffer alone. Just remember you are perfect the way you are, because that's how the Lord made you.  And He Doesn't make mistakes. 

I can't sleep.  Isn't it grand.  It has been happening a ton lately, and well just isn't too good for my health.  Today I thought I would write out some of my thoughts that's been keeping me up today. I saw this poster that said, "The thing that messes us up most in life is the picture of how we thought our life would be." Since January I have learned something profound, something that I feel many people knew and have known for years, but it was my first time experiencing it. My best friend left my life. I have pretended like it didn't hurt, pretended I didn't feel crushed, pretended that I was strong, heartless, and happy, until today.  It hurts.  Still to this day it kills me not having him in my life. He sunk as low as to delete me off Facebook. ( I know that sounds like a teenager thing to say, but honestly if they go through the trouble to delete you off Facebook you know that it just got real.)  This was my best frien...

Sometimes there are things that build up Emotions that pile up Errands to run that add up All of this takes away time.  Time that I should most likely spend on allowing myself to heal.  This weekend I needed a break I needed love I needed a restart.  I got it. 

New Years always brings  New goals  New ideas and sometimes if we are lucky  New perspectives.  We only accept the Love we THINK we deserve. The thing is, we always deserve more than we think we should. Life can sometimes beat us down, and make us feel like we are less than we really are. However, we are worth so much more. Stop settling. It has been said that a place is only as good as the people there. We can find ways to be happy no matter where we are. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't make that place good.  This New Year is a time for change, understanding, accepting, and moving on. The future is unknown and anything can happen. But one thing is certain Tomorrow is another day and anything is possible.  Make it a good one.  xoxo Shay Brought the New Year in with my wonderful friend Jess. She makes it worth being here!

Here is my annual sum up of the year! xoxo Shay January- Started my job at the Children's Theatre, got in a pudding fight, created the robot box, moved into a new apartment in Salt Lake. February- chopped 9 inches off my hair, Bridge to Terabithia was finished and performed, Internship started at Utah Trailer Source. March- Keaton hits his year mark in the mission, Jonny comes home from mission, I meet Judith Rasband April- Emery hits 1!!! Jake hits year mark! School is finished I have a 3.9 GPA, Job starts at the LDS Business college May- I visit home, Quit the Children's Theatre, Katy and I had our first fight, Nate moved to UTAH! June- The accident, my jaw surgery, I visit ABQ, Ben leaves, watched Hot Rod 4 times. July- I watched the entire series of Ugly Betty, Found a new love for Mint Chocolate Chip Brownie, Turned 19, drove the mini cooper August- Worked my tail off (60 hours a week), went to 7 peaks, long boarded down the U of U hill, quit all my jobs...

-Miracles happen - It snows - The sun shines through clouds - I paint walls - Bananas become my favourite fruit - I travel with my dad - I try to sing publicly  - I see my family in Spokane - It's Christmas time - I get excited for New Years - My sister loved her present  - You see smiles on people's faces - There are friendly strangers - Strangers fill up my gas tank and check my oil - My car gets fixed - I get locked out of my house because I forgot the code.. - Healing takes place - Closure is found - Strength to move on shows itself - Happiness is everywhere - My sisters are pregnant - I find out what they are having through FACEBOOK . guh. (Indie.) -Tycy graduates - Indie comes to visit me - I buy a new hockey stick - I see my wonderful friend Mary - I don't become the hulk - or get super powers. It's a sad day  -But once in a while.. the Lords plan starts to make a little sense. Family. Source.

Well,  This week I started my treatment,  Basically they put some radioactive stuff inside of me, and shot gamma rays at me to see where I was bleeding so they could stop it. I'm pretty much going to be the Hulk No big deal. But honestly, it's the weirdest feeling when you sit there and then they inject some stuff into you and WITHIN seconds, the world comes crashing down around you.  Sometimes I wish we could just "inject" the Lord's will into our veins. Where it would take over seamlessly  and we could live our lives just how He wants. Sadly enough, this can't happen because then it takes away this thing called agency.  Strange.