Living Life Under 5 Foot

2 2018 went by in a blur. And not in a bad way. It just sped past, as quickly as time would allow. So now I'm sitting here in an airport looking at the calendar and seeing 2019 stare directly back at me. As I'm prepping this year for certain goals, and ways I want to better myself, my business, my friends, and my relationships, I can't help but think of you. Each January as it rings in a new year, there's a tiny hole in my heart that feels so much bigger. There's sections of my life that I get so excited for, and then there's the date... the date I dread. The date that no matter how much I pretend it's not coming, or that it's just a number, that I'll somehow forget the day I lost you. This airport is busy, everyone is walking so fast, running around, getting grumpy and rushing to make their flights after the holidays, no one is sitting still, or cuddling together, in fact I've seen very few hands being held other than a rather good esc...

I used to hate the feeling of forced restarts. They kind of always sucked. Usually it was a broken heart, or massive disappointment. This time, it was a choice. I chose to restart my life. That's okay. Sometimes things don't work out, and sometimes people let us down. That's okay too. It's their choice just as much as it's yours. Restarting doesn't have to be scary, crazy, or life changing. It can be as simple as every day telling yourself that you are okay, you are worth something, and you deserve love. Each day is a chance for us to restart and reevaluate our lives. This world has made it so we need to check all these little boxes in order to be a "real adults" (barf) HOW LAME IS THAT. Let me tell you, I'm so done living a life dictated by people who have no interest in me other than money. If you don't want to go to school, don't.  If you can't fathom the idea of children, don't have them.  If you want a love that last...

People spend their whole lives searching for the elusive happiness, however what they don't understand is they posses it in themselves and have had it captive for as many years as they are searching for it. When people say happiness is a choice, they mean it. This life sucks sometimes. Hearts become casualties, lovers turn to strangers, best friends pass away, and worst of all sometimes we lose sight of our happiness. For me, happiness is a struggle. I tend to wear my emotions very visibly, maybe this is a good thing, but that also means when I'm aching, it's hard to choose happiness. I want to hide under a blanket and never surface. I would almost always choose to hide then to show my vulnerable side. This could most likely be a flaw within myself, a flaw that I am working on for sure. However it also shows my true self, and sometimes my true self doesn't choose happiness, because I'm human, and humans occasionally suck. But the wonderful thing about happines...

In this world it sometimes can be hard to find a human you can put up with, nevertheless love, and nevertheless actually be a good person. We've all gone through those bad relationships, some of us are still in them, and others have left and are feeling hopeless.. We all know what happens when those bad relationships control and destroy us.. but what happens when you find a healthy relationship. 1) You are this easy level of happy.  Many have always told you that when you are in love, you are this blissful happy, but since you’ve only been in the wrong relationships, you didn’t understand this before now. You are pleasantly happy with the human you chose. It’s no longer a fight anytime you see something different, it’s not longer sad nights crying, and it’s not longer feeling like you aren’t good enough. This easy level of happy is present, and you are happy to work out problems because you know your person isn’t trying to hurt you, they don’t want to sink you, they are ...

They say a girl marries her father.  Well luckily mine is the best daddy in all the land. Now that's not saying he's perfect, because he's not. In fact, he is flawed, very flawed. At times I questioned my need for a father, I doubted his honest caring, and I felt the impact of his absence. It was rocky, and difficult to maintain at times, but isn't that what love is? But the fact is, he taught me how to love, and if you don't believe me, I have proof, with pictures!  1) When I was a little girl my dad took me on a daddy daughter date. We walked around, and talked, we got ice cream and played at a park. It wasn't anything special and he didn't buy me the world, but he showed me the value of communication. 2) When I was a bratty tween he travelled 8 hours one way every other week to see me. Even if I didn't / couldn't see him. Sometimes he would drive all the way up just to turn around a drive back. This wasn't a huge thing to...

Divorce does the same thing to each person however, we all deal with it differently, and we all get a little screwed up in the process. We don’t understand the why of divorce and the direct effect on the mind, but we can see the changes in a life.   "Studies have shown that that children of divorce are far more likely to be delinquent, engage in premarital sex, and bear children out of wedlock during adolescence and young adulthood. A 33-year study published in 1998 in the American Sociological Review revealed that children whose parents divorced in their childhood or adolescence were likely to be afflicted with emotional problems such as depression or anxiety well into their twenties or early thirties." [Maher, B. (2003) Patching Up the American Family. World and I, v18 i1 p56. Retrieved June 9, 2004 from Expanded Academic ASAP]  Many children of divorce struggle with identity. 47 % of children deal with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or anore...

Well, I haven't updated this lately.. well because I've started a few other blogs. One would be for my speaking career. You can find this at www.shaymotivation.com The other is for my new career, you can find it here at www.SymbolSyn.com Both of these are exciting adventures for me, and I would love for anyone following, to check out these, and see what I can do to help you. Feel free to continue to email me with any questions or concerns regarding life, and I will try my best to research and answer in a timely manner. Thanks for all the love, this is an exciting adventure for me! Loves, Shay!

I wouldn't classify myself as an overly emotional human. Some might even say unemotional. But Me? I say that's not true. I tend to show happiness and anger (very well) on a consistent basis. Well, this girl went to a children's movie called Inside Out (Warning there are spoilers throughout) Anyways, there I was sitting with my pop and popcorn and was expecting to be entertained. Instead I had my heart pulled out of my chest and placed nicely in my hands, making me feel as if this movie was about my life, and that I needed to examine it.  Needless to say this unemotional girl held back tears in a pixar movie. This is why. Grief. It's a hard emotion to wrap around. This film is about a girl who at the age of 12 gets uprooted from her life, moves across the country, losing relationships with all old friends, and barely being able to see her father. Basically all sense of stability is stolen from her. How the film continues is through the 'lives' of t...

Dear people of the blog world, please do not take the following as ranting, please finishing reading. This year has been..... unexpected. Hard in very different ways from last year. I mean last year stretched me, taught me, hurt me, and loved me. This year? It's almost broken me. Grief is one of the most powerful human emotions a brain and body can feel. Why is that you ask? It's because it's the only emotional pain that manifests itself physically. My grieving process was intensified by losing my grandpa Eric. Now go ahead and say whatever you want like, "well he lived a full life" or "he's out of pain" or "He's watching over you" or "how are you doing?" Any of those will get you a swift punch to the throat. Why? (you may ask) Because, it's my grief and you cannot tell me how to grieve. Those words aren't comforting. They don't fix the gapping hole in my life where a life used to be. I know those thin...

Sometimes we get it wrong. We simply get it wrong. On occasion it's because we are too stubborn to admit we are wrong, other  times its because we just didn't know. But just because we got it wrong doesn't mean we have to stay in pain for the rest of our young lives. It doesn't mean our hearts will be shattered forever. You know that saying, the one everyone says when you break up? It goes a little like this, 'At least you learned something.... right? ' Gosh. Doesn't that phrase piss you off? Yes, it bothers me as well. It takes time, TONS of time before a glimmer can even happen. After dating a man for almost two years, and being alone for the past year, I have decided to try what they all say, and figure out what I learned. Here are the ramblings of a stressed out college girl piecing her life together. Lesson 1: Not all the time is it a 'me' problem.  A relationship takes two willing adults to make it function. No matter how hard you try,...

Yes, that's the starting line to the theme song from the hit TV series Friends. Have I started watching it for the first time? Yes again. We are told since we are young that as we grow up we gain responsibility, maturity, happy memories, and we build a life. The things people tend to leave out is that life doesn't tell us the way all those will happen. We just know they will. As I have been mourning and dealing with my sweet cousins death, I watched friends, and heard that first line and realized that's how I felt. NO ONE TOLD ME. No one told me my life would look like this, I couldn't have guessed this is where I would be, or this is what I would have had to go through to get here.  I'm not saying my life is hard, because trust me, I don't want to poke that horse, life could be a lot worse, and thankfully it's not. But that doesn't mean we don't all hurt, or feel a little stolen in the way things turn out. When my friend Renzo was kill...

I have been pondering this post for quite a while. For many reasons. One of which I want it to be different than last year ( Summing it up through songs ) but I also didn't want to be too personal with it. Now, I think I've got the best idea for how to end this. I call it my 2014 mantra. Here it goes.  I've learned not everyone can be trusted, that not everyone will love you back, and maybe they might not even like you. I've learned you can survive a broken heart even when the pieces never fit together again. I've learned many will use, abuse, and hurt you. Some will step on you to get ahead. Not everyone you love will help you to be better, and family isn't the only support. I've learned standing up after you've fallen is more important than the fall itself.  But mostly I've learned that through everything there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are people who will help you. Others will love you! And some will change the course ...

I can't pretend like I have had tons of extra time to Blog lately. Not saying I didn't make time for it, because I did, I just didn't have anything to say. Sometimes ideas come into my head, and I just know what to write, and other times it's just titles. The past week or so it's just been a title. "I can do hard things" Maybe I've been thinking of this because it's just a positive affirmation for me. Maybe it's because I need to remind myself, or who knows maybe I'm bracing for the future. With school, work, and teaching all starting again there is no doubt that it will be slightly hard. I think at every new beginning there is something hard. At every end, there's something hard, and on the in-betweens there is something hard. I guess life is just something hard. Today my lovely mother and I were talking about what it's like to be 17. Do you remember? I know I do. I thought I was invincible. I thought I knew everythin...

Some of you who read this know me personally, but most of you are strangers to me. I love all my readers, and I'm so thankful you take the time to read the words I have thought up. I take great pride in my blog, and one day I would love to make it a living. I've spent a ton of time because writing things helps me deal and process things, it helps me come to know myself and the world around me. It gives me strength when I need it, and when I look back it shows me how far I've come. I know this post is already starting to sound super selfish, and it most likely will continue that way until I make my point. So forgive me. There aren't many things I commit to in life. However, when I commit I give it my all. My heart and soul go into it. In many ways this is a very good thing, because I'm passionate about the subject. Yet sometimes, it's a painful and heartbreaking thing to enter into. For this reason alone, I will be taking a break from my blog, because this ...

I feel like I write about him a ton. But I write about what I love.  And I love him.  Yvonne has been gone since Wednesday, which means I've had the selfish pleasure of having Eric all to myself. It's been so hard as some days he thinks that Yvonne left him and doesn't love him. Or when he talks about how frustrated he is that he can't remember important things, or when he asks me why I spend so much time with an old man like himself.  The truth of the matter?  Love.  My years growing up were hard. Not incredibly hard, or harder than others, but they were difficult for me, socially, emotionally, and physically. Every day growing up when I asked Eric how he was he would say, "I'm gunna make it" (still to this day this is his response) I remember many days going to their house for my speech lesson, at 3:30, and staying till 6 or 7 at night. I remember the countless stories, the years of wisdom, love, and endless support. How could I not pay t...

Love is such a wonderful thing. It can be a terrible painful experience when it's not love. But when you find love. It's blissful. That's what they say anyways.  Often people seek to find love, to understand it. I believe no one can ever properly define it because it different with each person. It's different stages.  Find something and someone that makes you the happiest. And well that my friends. That is love.

As this New Year has begun, just like any other year, it feels as if nothing has changed. Then I tried to fill out some paper work today.. it's 2014. Wow. It's 2014. There were times in 2013 I didn't think I would make it through. I thought for sure it was the end, and my heart couldn't take any more grief. Life goes on though. Things keep moving. It's 2014 and it's been a wonderful time so far.  I will continue to strive for happiness, because we all know that you have to fight for your own happiness. I'm just happy to say I have wonderful people by my side to help me do so. I'm welcoming 2014, and saying goodbye to everything in 2013. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, it's a new year. Do the same. Cut the crap from your life. Maybe it's not a time to make huge goals, or crazy objectives. Maybe it's the time to remind yourself how much you are worth, how much you deserve and to be happy again. ...

Every year we fail.  Every month we fail.  At least once a day, I fail at something.  There isn't a single person on this planet dead or alive that has not epically failed at some point in their life. However what determines greatness, is standing up again after that failure. When we face the winds, and the pressure, and return to our feet. In order to obtain success there will be times shortcomings appear, old ones resurface, and new ones smack us in the face. No matter the obstacle in our path, if we want success we must continue. There isn't a place in any scripture, quote, biography, or speech that has ever told us that life would be easy, that everything would work out for us the way we wanted. No where can you find those words, because they are grossly untrue. It's hard. Every day it's hard. No one is spared from the misfortune of failure. There is however a grand difference between those who consider themselves wildly successful, and a bum on the s...

ut·ter    /ˈətər/ Adjective Complete; absolute. bliss     /blis/ Noun Perfect happiness; great joy. Something providing such happiness. And this is how I feel.. right now.. at this very moment.