Living Life Under 5 Foot

Yes. I said it. I also thoroughly agree with that statement. Here's why. As I've been going through pretty huge and life-changing medical problems, my family has been physically nowhere near me. Granted my intestine decided to swell up in Saskatoon, which isn't convenient for anyone. It's given me so much time to think, in some scary and painful moments. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a religious person,  However from what I know, God, helped those in need, he didn't just pray for the sick,  he visited them, and he served them. Let's imagine that when that blind guy came to he Jesus, Jesus said, "You're in my thoughts and prayers" and then left. That story would have turned out very differently. We all do and say things in our lives almost out of habit. Like think of how many times you've said "Hey how are you?" and not actually listened for the answer. Lots, I know. I do this ALL the time, and I'm working incr...

When I was a baby there's pictures of me with a light pink ABC blanket that I would drag around the house, and carry with me. When I was a child I had a blanket that my grandmother made me. It was brown fuzzy on the inside, and had pound puppies on the outside. I would hide under that blanket and then I knew I was safe. I would take it on trips, I'd bring it in the car when it was cold outside. (because I didn't have heated seats. As I grew up, certain comforts were taken from me, and my blanket was MY safe place. It was my place of help and healing. When I would have bad days in high school I'd hide under that blanket. I'd pretend that as long as I didn't come out that I would be fine. When I was in college my step mom made me a fuzzy cowboys blanket that I've always had with me. When I'm sick, or went into the hospital this blue fuzzy blanket was with me. Shielding me from the pains I knew were about to happen. When I had my first heartbreak,...

Divorce does the same thing to each person however, we all deal with it differently, and we all get a little screwed up in the process. We don’t understand the why of divorce and the direct effect on the mind, but we can see the changes in a life.   "Studies have shown that that children of divorce are far more likely to be delinquent, engage in premarital sex, and bear children out of wedlock during adolescence and young adulthood. A 33-year study published in 1998 in the American Sociological Review revealed that children whose parents divorced in their childhood or adolescence were likely to be afflicted with emotional problems such as depression or anxiety well into their twenties or early thirties." [Maher, B. (2003) Patching Up the American Family. World and I, v18 i1 p56. Retrieved June 9, 2004 from Expanded Academic ASAP]  Many children of divorce struggle with identity. 47 % of children deal with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or anore...

Well, I haven't updated this lately.. well because I've started a few other blogs. One would be for my speaking career. You can find this at www.shaymotivation.com The other is for my new career, you can find it here at www.SymbolSyn.com Both of these are exciting adventures for me, and I would love for anyone following, to check out these, and see what I can do to help you. Feel free to continue to email me with any questions or concerns regarding life, and I will try my best to research and answer in a timely manner. Thanks for all the love, this is an exciting adventure for me! Loves, Shay!

I can recall all the times I've cried. I know that sounds silly, but hey, I'm a little odd. I can remember crying when I was a child over my cousin biting my teddy bears head off. I cried when I moved to Canada. I cried when I got attacked by a hornets nest. I cried when my cousin scared me so bad I fell out of my house. I cried the day I understood what it meant to be alone. And I cried when I lost you. I've cried in joy, in happiness, in fear,  sadness, and I've cried in grief. Some cultures think it's healthy to cry, to let out those emotions that are on the inside, yet our culture tends to frown upon tears as to some it seems like a showing of weakness. Me? I tried to not cry in public because crying hurts my eyes, it hurts my brain, and it thoroughly hurts my pride. To admit I'm feeling a pain I cannot express is a difficult thing to measure up to. Yet sometimes without warning things that have been suppressed emerge through my eyes. But l...

Saying goodbye to consistency. That's how I felt when a new driver took my 1994 Toyota Camry. For those of you who have ever sat or had the privilege of driving in my car would attest that this wouldn't be something to even feel remotely sad about. Since she (my car we will call her Rikka) sounded like a dump truck, only unlocked from the passenger door, rattled whenever we sped up, radio didn't work because the antenna was snipped.. and many more funny quirks, it still was a little bitter sweet, and here's why. I bought my car when I was 17 for only $1,500, she then moved me to Utah with my whole life in her, drove me to school, work, shopping, and back to Canada when my friends were killed, I sat in her when I cried, she listened to me belt out my favourite songs (which isn't pretty because I'm a terrible singer). Anytime I've prepped for a speech, she gets to be the thing to hear it over and over again. She then moved me back to Canada to experience m...

I wouldn't classify myself as an overly emotional human. Some might even say unemotional. But Me? I say that's not true. I tend to show happiness and anger (very well) on a consistent basis. Well, this girl went to a children's movie called Inside Out (Warning there are spoilers throughout) Anyways, there I was sitting with my pop and popcorn and was expecting to be entertained. Instead I had my heart pulled out of my chest and placed nicely in my hands, making me feel as if this movie was about my life, and that I needed to examine it.  Needless to say this unemotional girl held back tears in a pixar movie. This is why. Grief. It's a hard emotion to wrap around. This film is about a girl who at the age of 12 gets uprooted from her life, moves across the country, losing relationships with all old friends, and barely being able to see her father. Basically all sense of stability is stolen from her. How the film continues is through the 'lives' of t...

We don't chose how we get hurt in life. But we do get a choice in who hurts us.  Forgive me for the lack of blogs lately, life has seemed to combust on the hinges and I didn't know what to write as emptiness filled my soul to the deepest parts. Then over the past few days I kept thinking, I need to do something. Therefore I went on a walk, and gathered some thoughts. Here are my raw thoughts.  I am not strong enough for the life that was given me. ( Now this is not a depression post.) But it's true. I'm not strong enough. In my weak moments when I'm alone, I sob. I hurt, and I sometimes can't move. I simply am not strong enough.  I know some of you are thinking that this cannot be the case because you see me climbing things, dancing, socializing, going to work, and carrying on with my life. And yes, I do do all those things. I accomplish them because of the people that are in my life that hold me up when I want to give up. I venture to hope I help oth...

Dear people of the blog world, please do not take the following as ranting, please finishing reading. This year has been..... unexpected. Hard in very different ways from last year. I mean last year stretched me, taught me, hurt me, and loved me. This year? It's almost broken me. Grief is one of the most powerful human emotions a brain and body can feel. Why is that you ask? It's because it's the only emotional pain that manifests itself physically. My grieving process was intensified by losing my grandpa Eric. Now go ahead and say whatever you want like, "well he lived a full life" or "he's out of pain" or "He's watching over you" or "how are you doing?" Any of those will get you a swift punch to the throat. Why? (you may ask) Because, it's my grief and you cannot tell me how to grieve. Those words aren't comforting. They don't fix the gapping hole in my life where a life used to be. I know those thin...

Sometimes we get it wrong. We simply get it wrong. On occasion it's because we are too stubborn to admit we are wrong, other  times its because we just didn't know. But just because we got it wrong doesn't mean we have to stay in pain for the rest of our young lives. It doesn't mean our hearts will be shattered forever. You know that saying, the one everyone says when you break up? It goes a little like this, 'At least you learned something.... right? ' Gosh. Doesn't that phrase piss you off? Yes, it bothers me as well. It takes time, TONS of time before a glimmer can even happen. After dating a man for almost two years, and being alone for the past year, I have decided to try what they all say, and figure out what I learned. Here are the ramblings of a stressed out college girl piecing her life together. Lesson 1: Not all the time is it a 'me' problem.  A relationship takes two willing adults to make it function. No matter how hard you try,...

Yes, that's the starting line to the theme song from the hit TV series Friends. Have I started watching it for the first time? Yes again. We are told since we are young that as we grow up we gain responsibility, maturity, happy memories, and we build a life. The things people tend to leave out is that life doesn't tell us the way all those will happen. We just know they will. As I have been mourning and dealing with my sweet cousins death, I watched friends, and heard that first line and realized that's how I felt. NO ONE TOLD ME. No one told me my life would look like this, I couldn't have guessed this is where I would be, or this is what I would have had to go through to get here.  I'm not saying my life is hard, because trust me, I don't want to poke that horse, life could be a lot worse, and thankfully it's not. But that doesn't mean we don't all hurt, or feel a little stolen in the way things turn out. When my friend Renzo was kill...

I've been taking this Bio class called environmental issues, and to put it lightly, there's not a whole lot that I like about it. However I found something useful this week, maybe something that touched me more than it should have. There are different types of changes in the environment. For example: Resilience :  is the ability for the environment to bounce back after something drastic happens. Like a tornado, or a hurricane. Let's put this into people's lives, this is like a break up, or the ending of a friendship. It hurts, it even devastates you but give it time, all things will go back to it's natural state. However long that takes, it will heal. You will heal. Then.. There's a change called a state shift . This is uncommon in the environment, because of it's tragic and lasting effects. A state shift means no matter how hard the environment tries, it will never be how it was before, it's changed and can't be reversed. Now let's ...

Behind every strong exterior is something being protected. I tend to think I need to be closed off in order to feel safe, to not experience vulnerability at any point. Lately, I've begun to ponder where this trouble began. You'd think majoring in Psychology I would magically be better at this concept. However I'm not. I thought... and I thought of past hurts, past breaks, and past everything. Is this what creates me currently? Or is it reactions to those problems, and if so, how did I decide to react? OR is it all a subconscious condition response to situations that block certain feelings because of past problems? If this makes sense to you.. congratulations.  They say our past doesn't define us, but our choices do. Isn't our past made up of choices? Do people only really focus on certain choices and choose to define because of that. Do they know the whole story? Do we ourselves know the whole story? Or are our emotions higher due to the setbacks? Do thin...

I've been debating writing this post for numerous reasons. However today it feels right. This is something I am truly passionate about. Sometimes in my little Shay life, I look for answers by studying topics. I research, and I learn in order to accept. Here is my paper on Pornography and the wake of destruction that follows. There are numerous addictions in this world they vary in shape, size, intensity, and ultimately how destructive they are in one's life. For example a few years ago there were billboards advertising how bad meth is. Do you remember those? The terrible sad faces? The destroyed lives? I'm sure you saw them, and they burned a hole into your mind. It awoke that part of your brain into comparing meth to those faces.  We see that often with alcohol , with cigarettes, we can visually see the impact it has, therefore it's easy to see the consequences. However, there is another addiction that is often hidden in the dark corners of society. Some even want ...

I can't pretend like I have had tons of extra time to Blog lately. Not saying I didn't make time for it, because I did, I just didn't have anything to say. Sometimes ideas come into my head, and I just know what to write, and other times it's just titles. The past week or so it's just been a title. "I can do hard things" Maybe I've been thinking of this because it's just a positive affirmation for me. Maybe it's because I need to remind myself, or who knows maybe I'm bracing for the future. With school, work, and teaching all starting again there is no doubt that it will be slightly hard. I think at every new beginning there is something hard. At every end, there's something hard, and on the in-betweens there is something hard. I guess life is just something hard. Today my lovely mother and I were talking about what it's like to be 17. Do you remember? I know I do. I thought I was invincible. I thought I knew everythin...

There's been something special about last week. I was able to spend a little extra time with my Grandpa Eric. Luckily things on Sunday night were postponed just a bit so I had a good chunk of my evening entirely free. So I went upstairs to his room, and asked if he wanted to go on a walk outside. He said yes. And off we were. We walked around the WHOLE block of St. Mike's. There were times he said I should probably slow down so I wouldn't tire out because I still had to take him back. So I would slow my pace. I think he just enjoyed being outside. But the truth is, I enjoyed it more. Often in my life I get so busy with work, with a social life, upcoming school... etc etc etc. I just get busy. Like everyone else. We all get busy. I'm sorry to say that when I get busy I don't spend nearly enough time with those that I love because I know they are there and I hope they know I love them dearly. What happened special that was different this week was, I remembered h...

I don't pretend to know a whole ton, maybe because I don't. However there are times in our lives, check points if you will, that give us a chance to look back reflect and see where we are going. I so value times like that. Times like today. Why did I check point today? I did it because 21 years ago I was born. Weird right? I don't feel like I'm 21, but whatever. So I was trying to think up things that I may have learned or changed in these years of life, and after much pondering I could only think up a few. So here they are. Knowledge according to Shay. 1) Tough times NEVER last. I know they feel like they will, and I feel like they will, but they don't. They simply can't. So bite down, hold on, and bear the wind, because it will end. 2) Challenges make us stronger. Just like muscles, sometimes we must be torn in order to grow. Challenges work the same way. 3) Life is good. As good as you want it to be. Either you can go through life complaining, wis...

What is reality? What is your reality? In one of my classes we use a wonderful demonstration for this topic. A magic trick. We simply do a magic trick and then ask the students if this is real. Many have their hands up because it's what they saw, and know to be real, others question a validity of the trick. The thing is.... it's not real. It's an illusion to trick one into believing it's real. It does a good job too. Such in life we are on the reality ride. We must live in a real world. Media encircles and makes it hard to tell the difference, or we fall into a virtual trap. These can be used as escapes, but they aren't real life. Think now of some goals that you have made this year. Think back to your New Year Resolutions. How many have you done? Did you know the year is half over? WOW! That snuck by. I repeat. The year is half over. I know that I have not accomplished as much as I "goaled" myself to accomplish. Have you? The next part of real...

Things have been difficult. At work there is this person who is going out of her way to make my boss and I miserable she sometimes says just the meanest things possible. Just to hurt us, so we will give up and give her whatever she wants. And sometimes this has happened in my personal life lately. What I have learned about this: If someone treats you terrible so you will do whatever it is they want you to. Don't give in just for the purpose of them being nice to you. Those types of people are childish, and they will hurt you again the next time you differ on things.  I wish we lived in a world where everyone told the truth, and people were nice and loving, because they were nice, and loved you. However, from what I've seen, it's not the case.  The only way to break this terrible downfall is to be nice and loving. Even if they are not.  Sometimes you have to let your heart break, and allow the source of the pain to walk away.  At the end of the d...

The sign says turn left, but yet I take the right down a different road I travel everyday and every night I see other people along my path Their happiness seems to abound Yet every once in a while I get the sudden urge to turn around. There are signs warning, giving cations Pressing forward we disregard everything seen because at my young age I believe I know more even though that sounds obscene. Occasionally I see a glimpse of those who turned left. Driving a different path than mine There seems to be a glow about them instead with us, we seem just fine. More signs telling us to turn left Some of us take the sign But no, sadly not me, For sometimes I am too stubborn in the mind. I takes a shattering fear, an earthquaking rumble, to cause me to look up and notice I know not where I stand, and that makes me tremble. Where is the nearest place to turn around? Return to stable land? How do I do it, when all those who turned left Know exactly where I c...