Living Life Under 5 Foot

When I was a little girl, and it was recess I would run straight for the swing set. Teina, Josi, Dallin, and I would hurry our butts out to get the swings that we knew could go the highest. Then we would swing. We would jump off (sometimes get in trouble) and continue to swing. It became a place of peace for me. I never needed to worry about anything else other than pumping my legs, holding on, and letting go at the right time. I remember having major conversations on those swing sets, I remember tears, loneliness, happiness, and friendship. Lately, when I close my eyes I'm right back on that swing set, enjoying every moment of recess. Why is it that when we grow up we naturally leave the things that brought us peace and comfort as children? Why do we feel like we need something more in order to "properly" take care of our selves? Something so simple would bring such peace, and now in a time in my life where peace seems to be the last thing I can find, tod...

! I'm just a girl sitting here, wondering about the mysteries of the universe. I sat outside on a starry night under the blood wolf super moon waiting to feel the change the air has inside of it. "I'm searching for authentic, true, and loyal people who deeply love me." I whisper to myself as my shutter clicks. I felt the change I was seeking start to take root, I knew it would soon grow, but I was not prepared for what it would bring. I was not prepared to have you standing in the sun. There was no way I planned that there would be no more shadows surrounding who you were, and more so who I was in relation. The change in the air, brought in the truth I needed to visualize what was happening. Since that moment a shift has happened, to me, in clarity. It was like the blinders were ripped off and I was thrust in to the brightness of the noon day sun. I could see everything, there's no shadows, no more questions, no more doubt, only knowl...

! Lately I've been having this weird sense of apathy. Then that compounded into loneliness. Which in turn became sadness and created this feeling that I had lost myself. Like I was just going through the motions. My body was here but my mind wanted to be elsewhere.  Eventually when I looked in the mirror I know longer saw the happy go lucky, free woman I've been striving to become. It's like everything I was working towards was leading me away from who I wanted to be. I left my room feeling empty and more-so frustrated at everything. Friends during this time didn't understand what was happening because I wasn't talking about it. Therefore I wasn't seeking help, instead I was seeking isolation. One bad night turned into a full 7 days of this horrible feeling that stayed in the corners of my mind. Finally one night where I felt completely unvalidated and alone, I knew I needed to take matters into my hands if I was goin...

2 2018 went by in a blur. And not in a bad way. It just sped past, as quickly as time would allow. So now I'm sitting here in an airport looking at the calendar and seeing 2019 stare directly back at me. As I'm prepping this year for certain goals, and ways I want to better myself, my business, my friends, and my relationships, I can't help but think of you. Each January as it rings in a new year, there's a tiny hole in my heart that feels so much bigger. There's sections of my life that I get so excited for, and then there's the date... the date I dread. The date that no matter how much I pretend it's not coming, or that it's just a number, that I'll somehow forget the day I lost you. This airport is busy, everyone is walking so fast, running around, getting grumpy and rushing to make their flights after the holidays, no one is sitting still, or cuddling together, in fact I've seen very few hands being held other than a rather good esc...

I've had the time lately to sit around and think. Not many people in our generation actually get that time. No my thinking did not come while I was watching Netflix, reading a book, or listening to music. My thinking came while I've been alone, stuck waiting, with my thoughts. Yeesh. I don't know about you, but sometimes for me that's scary place to be. This time it really was. Fear is SUCH a powerful emotion. There's this small place in your brain called the amygdala that helps you process emotions, and within those emotions, it notifies your brain when you are scared. The amygdala is an interesting under explored location within your grey matter. But from what we do know is that you can help program your fear receptors at any point in your life. Meaning you can literally change your fears. Beginning the process depending on your fear can be done alone, or with a professional. (If your fears are massive, deabliatatiing, or anxiety please see a psychological ...

If you had the best content in the world, and no one saw it, does it still count as the best? So you are struggling getting ranked on Google.. here's some small things that you can change today that are effecting your Search Engine Optimization (SEO). 1) You're Not listed with Google  This one may seem self explanatory but you'd be amazed at how  many people have not listed their business with Google. The wonderful thing about this is that you can change this in about 2 minutes. Step 1: Follow the Link https://www.google.com/business/ Step 2: Sign in and fill out all the information. Privacy never helped anyone get found online. Step 3: Request a verification code. This will show up 10-14 days after. Step 4: Plug in Verification code. Step 5: BAM. You are now listed with Google+, Search, and Maps. 2) You're Not Meta Tagging your Pictures Yes, this is still important. You know that moment when you upload your pictures, and it says IMG_...

I used to hate the feeling of forced restarts. They kind of always sucked. Usually it was a broken heart, or massive disappointment. This time, it was a choice. I chose to restart my life. That's okay. Sometimes things don't work out, and sometimes people let us down. That's okay too. It's their choice just as much as it's yours. Restarting doesn't have to be scary, crazy, or life changing. It can be as simple as every day telling yourself that you are okay, you are worth something, and you deserve love. Each day is a chance for us to restart and reevaluate our lives. This world has made it so we need to check all these little boxes in order to be a "real adults" (barf) HOW LAME IS THAT. Let me tell you, I'm so done living a life dictated by people who have no interest in me other than money. If you don't want to go to school, don't.  If you can't fathom the idea of children, don't have them.  If you want a love that last...

10 days ago I was changing locations on my travels through Utah. I packed up my mini cooper with my workout bag (this included 3 pairs of shoes, headphones, 5 pairs of yoga pants, 3 sports bras, 7 tank tops, my shower stuff, and deodorant) then I loaded up my 2 long boards, one being a Land Yatchz and the other my sector 9, finally I put my  Cannon camera bag, (It had my 7D a 50mm 1.4 lens, and a 35-118 1.8 lens in it. Along with a charger 4 batters, camera strap, and all my business cards). I thought to myself, I'm going to run across the street, grab a coffee then load my final bag into my car and take off to Roy. So that's what I did, however when I returned from across the street to my utter horror my window had been smashed, and everything from my car was gone. After I called the cops, and some friends to come and help I turned into a catatonic mess. I literally stood by my window and stared at my car for hours. Finally I decided I looked like a psychopath and therefore ...

People spend their whole lives searching for the elusive happiness, however what they don't understand is they posses it in themselves and have had it captive for as many years as they are searching for it. When people say happiness is a choice, they mean it. This life sucks sometimes. Hearts become casualties, lovers turn to strangers, best friends pass away, and worst of all sometimes we lose sight of our happiness. For me, happiness is a struggle. I tend to wear my emotions very visibly, maybe this is a good thing, but that also means when I'm aching, it's hard to choose happiness. I want to hide under a blanket and never surface. I would almost always choose to hide then to show my vulnerable side. This could most likely be a flaw within myself, a flaw that I am working on for sure. However it also shows my true self, and sometimes my true self doesn't choose happiness, because I'm human, and humans occasionally suck. But the wonderful thing about happines...

They say a girl marries her father.  Well luckily mine is the best daddy in all the land. Now that's not saying he's perfect, because he's not. In fact, he is flawed, very flawed. At times I questioned my need for a father, I doubted his honest caring, and I felt the impact of his absence. It was rocky, and difficult to maintain at times, but isn't that what love is? But the fact is, he taught me how to love, and if you don't believe me, I have proof, with pictures!  1) When I was a little girl my dad took me on a daddy daughter date. We walked around, and talked, we got ice cream and played at a park. It wasn't anything special and he didn't buy me the world, but he showed me the value of communication. 2) When I was a bratty tween he travelled 8 hours one way every other week to see me. Even if I didn't / couldn't see him. Sometimes he would drive all the way up just to turn around a drive back. This wasn't a huge thing to...

Divorce does the same thing to each person however, we all deal with it differently, and we all get a little screwed up in the process. We don’t understand the why of divorce and the direct effect on the mind, but we can see the changes in a life.   "Studies have shown that that children of divorce are far more likely to be delinquent, engage in premarital sex, and bear children out of wedlock during adolescence and young adulthood. A 33-year study published in 1998 in the American Sociological Review revealed that children whose parents divorced in their childhood or adolescence were likely to be afflicted with emotional problems such as depression or anxiety well into their twenties or early thirties." [Maher, B. (2003) Patching Up the American Family. World and I, v18 i1 p56. Retrieved June 9, 2004 from Expanded Academic ASAP]  Many children of divorce struggle with identity. 47 % of children deal with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or anore...

I can recall all the times I've cried. I know that sounds silly, but hey, I'm a little odd. I can remember crying when I was a child over my cousin biting my teddy bears head off. I cried when I moved to Canada. I cried when I got attacked by a hornets nest. I cried when my cousin scared me so bad I fell out of my house. I cried the day I understood what it meant to be alone. And I cried when I lost you. I've cried in joy, in happiness, in fear,  sadness, and I've cried in grief. Some cultures think it's healthy to cry, to let out those emotions that are on the inside, yet our culture tends to frown upon tears as to some it seems like a showing of weakness. Me? I tried to not cry in public because crying hurts my eyes, it hurts my brain, and it thoroughly hurts my pride. To admit I'm feeling a pain I cannot express is a difficult thing to measure up to. Yet sometimes without warning things that have been suppressed emerge through my eyes. But l...

Saying goodbye to consistency. That's how I felt when a new driver took my 1994 Toyota Camry. For those of you who have ever sat or had the privilege of driving in my car would attest that this wouldn't be something to even feel remotely sad about. Since she (my car we will call her Rikka) sounded like a dump truck, only unlocked from the passenger door, rattled whenever we sped up, radio didn't work because the antenna was snipped.. and many more funny quirks, it still was a little bitter sweet, and here's why. I bought my car when I was 17 for only $1,500, she then moved me to Utah with my whole life in her, drove me to school, work, shopping, and back to Canada when my friends were killed, I sat in her when I cried, she listened to me belt out my favourite songs (which isn't pretty because I'm a terrible singer). Anytime I've prepped for a speech, she gets to be the thing to hear it over and over again. She then moved me back to Canada to experience m...

I recently entered a scholarship essay for what you would say to your past self.  This is my entry, feel free to give feedback.  Shay, There is so much I want to tell you, but somehow I feel like that will take the much needed mystery out of life. All I can offer is vague statements that cover basic topics you will deal with  throughout your life. Shay, life is so valuable, and soon you will understand the meaning of a moment, therefore spend your time with those people and things who actually matter, don't waste it on frivolous things.  Go easy on the teenage years. I promise it's a tough enough time for everyone, maybe try to make it easier on those who are in your life. Find something that you are passionate about, and spend the time needed to become amazing at it. Talents are more important than you could ever imagine. You can make it through everything that is going to come your way, if you stand true to your smile, and keep smiling, you will conquer...

Sometimes we get it wrong. We simply get it wrong. On occasion it's because we are too stubborn to admit we are wrong, other  times its because we just didn't know. But just because we got it wrong doesn't mean we have to stay in pain for the rest of our young lives. It doesn't mean our hearts will be shattered forever. You know that saying, the one everyone says when you break up? It goes a little like this, 'At least you learned something.... right? ' Gosh. Doesn't that phrase piss you off? Yes, it bothers me as well. It takes time, TONS of time before a glimmer can even happen. After dating a man for almost two years, and being alone for the past year, I have decided to try what they all say, and figure out what I learned. Here are the ramblings of a stressed out college girl piecing her life together. Lesson 1: Not all the time is it a 'me' problem.  A relationship takes two willing adults to make it function. No matter how hard you try,...

A strong phrase to start a strong new year. "But I will be."  Life won't be what we want it to be. Things don't always turn out the way we hoped, dreamed, and even worked towards. There will be days, weeks, and sometimes months when you won't be okay. But you will be. Bam. There's that phrase.  Here, I'll continue.. There will be things you won't be good at. But you will be.  Things you don't have, but one day you will be blessed with them.  People you aren't around anymore, but one day they will be. Heart aches that make you feel not okay, but one day, you will be.  This phrase. It's my phrase for this year. I may not be okay right now, but I will be . I may not be healed, but I will be . I may still struggle but one day I will be stronger. Think of the power this phrase can have in your life. It takes any darkness, and pessimism and it changes it to light and positivity.  It's 2015. You are the only one in control ...