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We're Not Broken Just Bent

I can't sleep. 
Isn't it grand. 
It has been happening a ton lately, and well just isn't too good for my health. 

Today I thought I would write out some of my thoughts that's been keeping me up today.

I saw this poster that said, "The thing that messes us up most in life is the picture of how we thought our life would be."

Since January I have learned something profound, something that I feel many people knew and have known for years, but it was my first time experiencing it. My best friend left my life.

I have pretended like it didn't hurt, pretended I didn't feel crushed, pretended that I was strong, heartless, and happy, until today. 

It hurts. 

Still to this day it kills me not having him in my life. He sunk as low as to delete me off Facebook. ( I know that sounds like a teenager thing to say, but honestly if they go through the trouble to delete you off Facebook you know that it just got real.) 

This was my best friend, 
Someone who have lived 7 years of my life with me
Someone who has loved me through those years
Someone who helped me strive to be a better person
Someone who included me back into the gospel
Someone who I loved and cherished dearly. 

Distance made it easy to pretend like I was doing okay. I didn't have to see him or be around him so it was easy. I didn't have to think. But today, I thought, I remembered, and I cried. 

This boy, through his childish games broke my heart. Shattered it. 
However, I was listening to my favourite song today and the chorus goes as such. 

"Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough, just one second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again."

That's when it dawned on me. I'm not broken, I'm just bent. I can learn to trust other people, I can learn to open up. And I've learned to love again. It's possible. Sometimes ignoring the problem does deal with it. No amount of dwelling in tough times, and crying fixed my heart. I had to actively stay busy and keep myself happy. I had to fight for my personal happiness. Had I have dwelt in it I feel as if I would become depressed. Even now, if I dwell, think back, or look at pictures, it breaks my heart a little more. 
CRAP HAPPENS. 
So is life. 

I may be really good at finding all these losers that won't stay in my life, or don't like me for me, or say that I'm not good enough for them. But that's not true. 
I'm amazing
I'm smart
I'm beautiful


And anyone who doesn't love that in me, doesn't deserve even a sliver of my heart, nevertheless my tears. 

I'm not broken just bent, and I can learn to love again.


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