Skip to main content

We're Not Broken Just Bent

I can't sleep. 
Isn't it grand. 
It has been happening a ton lately, and well just isn't too good for my health. 

Today I thought I would write out some of my thoughts that's been keeping me up today.

I saw this poster that said, "The thing that messes us up most in life is the picture of how we thought our life would be."

Since January I have learned something profound, something that I feel many people knew and have known for years, but it was my first time experiencing it. My best friend left my life.

I have pretended like it didn't hurt, pretended I didn't feel crushed, pretended that I was strong, heartless, and happy, until today. 

It hurts. 

Still to this day it kills me not having him in my life. He sunk as low as to delete me off Facebook. ( I know that sounds like a teenager thing to say, but honestly if they go through the trouble to delete you off Facebook you know that it just got real.) 

This was my best friend, 
Someone who have lived 7 years of my life with me
Someone who has loved me through those years
Someone who helped me strive to be a better person
Someone who included me back into the gospel
Someone who I loved and cherished dearly. 

Distance made it easy to pretend like I was doing okay. I didn't have to see him or be around him so it was easy. I didn't have to think. But today, I thought, I remembered, and I cried. 

This boy, through his childish games broke my heart. Shattered it. 
However, I was listening to my favourite song today and the chorus goes as such. 

"Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough, just one second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again."

That's when it dawned on me. I'm not broken, I'm just bent. I can learn to trust other people, I can learn to open up. And I've learned to love again. It's possible. Sometimes ignoring the problem does deal with it. No amount of dwelling in tough times, and crying fixed my heart. I had to actively stay busy and keep myself happy. I had to fight for my personal happiness. Had I have dwelt in it I feel as if I would become depressed. Even now, if I dwell, think back, or look at pictures, it breaks my heart a little more. 
CRAP HAPPENS. 
So is life. 

I may be really good at finding all these losers that won't stay in my life, or don't like me for me, or say that I'm not good enough for them. But that's not true. 
I'm amazing
I'm smart
I'm beautiful


And anyone who doesn't love that in me, doesn't deserve even a sliver of my heart, nevertheless my tears. 

I'm not broken just bent, and I can learn to love again.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Your "Thoughts and Prayers" Are Bullshit.

Yes. I said it. I also thoroughly agree with that statement. Here's why. As I've been going through pretty huge and life-changing medical problems, my family has been physically nowhere near me. Granted my intestine decided to swell up in Saskatoon, which isn't convenient for anyone. It's given me so much time to think, in some scary and painful moments. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a religious person,  However from what I know, God, helped those in need, he didn't just pray for the sick,  he visited them, and he served them. Let's imagine that when that blind guy came to he Jesus, Jesus said, "You're in my thoughts and prayers" and then left. That story would have turned out very differently. We all do and say things in our lives almost out of habit. Like think of how many times you've said "Hey how are you?" and not actually listened for the answer. Lots, I know. I do this ALL the time, and I'm working incr...
2 comments
Read more

Swing Sets

When I was a little girl, and it was recess I would run straight for the swing set. Teina, Josi, Dallin, and I would hurry our butts out to get the swings that we knew could go the highest. Then we would swing. We would jump off (sometimes get in trouble) and continue to swing. It became a place of peace for me. I never needed to worry about anything else other than pumping my legs, holding on, and letting go at the right time. I remember having major conversations on those swing sets, I remember tears, loneliness, happiness, and friendship. Lately, when I close my eyes I'm right back on that swing set, enjoying every moment of recess. Why is it that when we grow up we naturally leave the things that brought us peace and comfort as children? Why do we feel like we need something more in order to "properly" take care of our selves? Something so simple would bring such peace, and now in a time in my life where peace seems to be the last thing I can find, tod...
Post a Comment
Read more

Do I Have What it Takes?

! Do I have what it takes? I've asked myself that about 436,598 times over the past 5 years, and in the course of my life.. I know I've asked it even more than that. Being self employed is not an easy task all the time, it's giving up partying on weekends, it's staying home to plan work, or to onboard a client. It's dealing with clients who preach one thing and practice another. It's knowing who you are in and out of the business. This week my friend and I watched Spider-man Homecoming.. okay.. we watched it for like the 5th time.. but whatever.. the point of it is.. there's a moment where Peter is talking to Tony and he says, "You can't take this suit, I'm nothing without it" Then Tony says, "If you are nothing without the suit then you shouldn't have it." Later when it builds to the pinnacle part of the story Peter is crushed under half a building, and he's trying to stand.. it's a very emotional moment fo...
Post a Comment
Read more