This is a touchy subject, however I felt so greatly for the last few weeks to discuss the topic. In relationships we give so much of ourselves, and often get so much in return. There are on occasions more terrible relationships, with more terrible people. Where you give everything until you feel there is nothing left, and the other person feels a sense of ownership.
If you are reading this, please keep reading, don't give up on it because the topic is too touchy, scary, or you think it doesn't relate to you. Take the courage to make a difference. 1 out of every 5 women will deal with this. That means one of your friends, or a girl in your class, or a family member WILL deal with this, and maybe you will see it or maybe you'll never know. But who wants to take the chance of maybe?
There are 3 main types of abuse.
The first one being Sexual Abuse.
This is when someone uses their strength, words, or intimidation to receive sexual satisfaction. This can happen in marriages, families, relationships, or anything that is continuous. This causes self esteem issues, trust problems, and sometimes people don't heal from this. Sex is a part of us, our bodies were designed to do so. When this is forced, or taken, a piece of your soul it taken. It takes time to rebuild. But with work, it will rebuild.
Second form of abuse is Physical Abuse.
This is the easiest one to see, sometimes. It's also the one most hidden. This is physical force used against someone. This means, hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, pushing, or even holding too tight or against someones will. Physical abuse more often happens towards women as men are usually the stronger. However, it does happen to men as well. This is real, this is lasting, and this is damaging. This one is so hidden because the victim believes this is their fault, and they deserve it. Sometimes we believe we can change our attacker and thus they will stop. We often tell ourselves it isn't so bad. Until one morning you can't see out your eye, and your neck hurts. This is hidden because as a society we pity people like this and NO ONE wants to be pitied. So often others turn a blind eye to it thinking that if the victim wanted to leave they could. But it's simply not that easy. Unless you have been hit by someone you love, you cannot say that it is easy to walk away. So don't. Be a support, and offer help, a shoulder to cry on, and a safe home.
The third, Emotional Abuse.
This abuse is special, because you cannot see it, feel it, or see the after effects like you can the the first two. This abuse starts slowly, gradually, and creeps in to many lives. Aggression, anger, yelling, swearing, demanding, making fun of, domination, and blaming all fit under this category. Basically is states that if in your relationship you feel as if you have to walk on egg shells in order to please this person it's abuse. This one is also different in the fact that there are no criminal charges for being emotionally abusive, unless they threaten, it is within the abusers rights to have freedom of speech. What kind of world is it where it's okay to destroy a person and get away with it?
I don't care who you are, or what excuse you think you have, it is NEVER okay to emotionally or verbally a use anyone. If you see signs of it in yourself, apologize and change. The world has enough terrorists, bad guys, and liars, why allow it to have one more. Emotional abuse causes such heart ache, and damage to ones self esteem, trust, and over all self image. Suicides have more than doubled in the past 3 years, why is this?
Now let's talk.
When you leave a relationship in which you were abused you are called a Survivor. Yes, did you hear that? A SURVIVOR! There are some people in any of these categories that weren't as lucky. You may say, "But I'm not lucky, I am having flash backs, I'm terrified." or "I'm a grown women living at my parents because I can't go outside." How is this lucky? How is the fact that my heart is breaking but somehow still yearns for him** (** I will say him for the rest, to make it easier for typing). People. It's a drug. It's an addiction. It's love for you but for him? Well he will do anything to keep you. How is an abuser supposed to abuse without a victim? Accept that he's a terrible and sick person. LEAVE HIM IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR.
Do you want to be a survivor? Are you a survivor? You can. There are people that will support you. Whether or not you have family or loved ones, there are others just like you.
I am a survivor of more than one of the above types of abuse. If nothing else right now, know that you are NOT alone. That it is real. That there is hope. There's a future, you just have to reach out, grab it, and don't let go or look back. We are survivors. We should not be the victims. This shouldn't be kept quiet, that takes all the power that's in our hands and gives it to our tormentor. He wants us to live in fear, but we shouldn't.
I understand that a shattered future hurts like hell, but it hurts less than a shattered jawbone. We can recreate our futures, we can give others a better one as well. I can promise that your life will be better without him. You do not need someone telling you that you are not worth it. You do not need someone forcing themselves on you. And you DO NOT need a man-child who takes his anger out on you. None of this is ever your fault. You did not do anything to him, you did not deserve it, and most importantly you cannot fix it. It's a slippery slope, once he has started abusing you, he will not stop, it will not rest, it only gets worse. Harder, meaner, and more aggressive.
My fellow humans, no matter the situation you are in, the fears you have, I promise there is a way to get out.
1) You can talk to someone and remain confidential through this helpline. They are good, they can guide you through the leaving process.
http://www.thehotline.org/
2) The police are there to help you. Even if this person is emotionally abusing you, call the police, call when they are gone, or when they show up.
3) Support groups- I know it makes you think of anything you see on TV, but it is not like that. There is strength in numbers, and reassurance that you are not alone, never alone. Others have gone through what you are going through. My support group kept me sane.
I remind you: do not stand up to your aggressor. Things get worse when that happens. He's already proven he's bigger, meaner, or stronger than you, so aggravating him will result in another proof that he is. But SAVE you. Get out of the relationship, get out of the city or country if needed. Start a new life, and live your life with courage. I'm not pretending or overlooking how hard that actually will be. Because it's hard, and leaving could be one of the hardest decisions you've ever made. I just don't want any negativity to creep into your mind. Positivity is what needs to surround you. He is not positive, and thinking of the darkness alone is not positive either.
YOU are more talented than you know, more loving than you feel, and more beautiful than you see.
Let's stop being victims and become survivors.
There are 3 main types of abuse.
The first one being Sexual Abuse.
This is when someone uses their strength, words, or intimidation to receive sexual satisfaction. This can happen in marriages, families, relationships, or anything that is continuous. This causes self esteem issues, trust problems, and sometimes people don't heal from this. Sex is a part of us, our bodies were designed to do so. When this is forced, or taken, a piece of your soul it taken. It takes time to rebuild. But with work, it will rebuild.
Second form of abuse is Physical Abuse.
This is the easiest one to see, sometimes. It's also the one most hidden. This is physical force used against someone. This means, hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, pushing, or even holding too tight or against someones will. Physical abuse more often happens towards women as men are usually the stronger. However, it does happen to men as well. This is real, this is lasting, and this is damaging. This one is so hidden because the victim believes this is their fault, and they deserve it. Sometimes we believe we can change our attacker and thus they will stop. We often tell ourselves it isn't so bad. Until one morning you can't see out your eye, and your neck hurts. This is hidden because as a society we pity people like this and NO ONE wants to be pitied. So often others turn a blind eye to it thinking that if the victim wanted to leave they could. But it's simply not that easy. Unless you have been hit by someone you love, you cannot say that it is easy to walk away. So don't. Be a support, and offer help, a shoulder to cry on, and a safe home.
The third, Emotional Abuse.
This abuse is special, because you cannot see it, feel it, or see the after effects like you can the the first two. This abuse starts slowly, gradually, and creeps in to many lives. Aggression, anger, yelling, swearing, demanding, making fun of, domination, and blaming all fit under this category. Basically is states that if in your relationship you feel as if you have to walk on egg shells in order to please this person it's abuse. This one is also different in the fact that there are no criminal charges for being emotionally abusive, unless they threaten, it is within the abusers rights to have freedom of speech. What kind of world is it where it's okay to destroy a person and get away with it?
I don't care who you are, or what excuse you think you have, it is NEVER okay to emotionally or verbally a use anyone. If you see signs of it in yourself, apologize and change. The world has enough terrorists, bad guys, and liars, why allow it to have one more. Emotional abuse causes such heart ache, and damage to ones self esteem, trust, and over all self image. Suicides have more than doubled in the past 3 years, why is this?
Now let's talk.
When you leave a relationship in which you were abused you are called a Survivor. Yes, did you hear that? A SURVIVOR! There are some people in any of these categories that weren't as lucky. You may say, "But I'm not lucky, I am having flash backs, I'm terrified." or "I'm a grown women living at my parents because I can't go outside." How is this lucky? How is the fact that my heart is breaking but somehow still yearns for him** (** I will say him for the rest, to make it easier for typing). People. It's a drug. It's an addiction. It's love for you but for him? Well he will do anything to keep you. How is an abuser supposed to abuse without a victim? Accept that he's a terrible and sick person. LEAVE HIM IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR.
Do you want to be a survivor? Are you a survivor? You can. There are people that will support you. Whether or not you have family or loved ones, there are others just like you.
I am a survivor of more than one of the above types of abuse. If nothing else right now, know that you are NOT alone. That it is real. That there is hope. There's a future, you just have to reach out, grab it, and don't let go or look back. We are survivors. We should not be the victims. This shouldn't be kept quiet, that takes all the power that's in our hands and gives it to our tormentor. He wants us to live in fear, but we shouldn't.
I understand that a shattered future hurts like hell, but it hurts less than a shattered jawbone. We can recreate our futures, we can give others a better one as well. I can promise that your life will be better without him. You do not need someone telling you that you are not worth it. You do not need someone forcing themselves on you. And you DO NOT need a man-child who takes his anger out on you. None of this is ever your fault. You did not do anything to him, you did not deserve it, and most importantly you cannot fix it. It's a slippery slope, once he has started abusing you, he will not stop, it will not rest, it only gets worse. Harder, meaner, and more aggressive.
My fellow humans, no matter the situation you are in, the fears you have, I promise there is a way to get out.
1) You can talk to someone and remain confidential through this helpline. They are good, they can guide you through the leaving process.
http://www.thehotline.org/
2) The police are there to help you. Even if this person is emotionally abusing you, call the police, call when they are gone, or when they show up.
3) Support groups- I know it makes you think of anything you see on TV, but it is not like that. There is strength in numbers, and reassurance that you are not alone, never alone. Others have gone through what you are going through. My support group kept me sane.
I remind you: do not stand up to your aggressor. Things get worse when that happens. He's already proven he's bigger, meaner, or stronger than you, so aggravating him will result in another proof that he is. But SAVE you. Get out of the relationship, get out of the city or country if needed. Start a new life, and live your life with courage. I'm not pretending or overlooking how hard that actually will be. Because it's hard, and leaving could be one of the hardest decisions you've ever made. I just don't want any negativity to creep into your mind. Positivity is what needs to surround you. He is not positive, and thinking of the darkness alone is not positive either.
YOU are more talented than you know, more loving than you feel, and more beautiful than you see.
Let's stop being victims and become survivors.
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