Grief is a part of life. Something that none of us can escape.
Me? I tend to think I'm bad at grieving. Let me explain. I'm really good at distracting, putting up a happy face, and being strong for those around me. I'm incredibly good at masking certain emotions, and even better at helping others forget their grief. But when I'm alone, it all hits me, and then I don't know how to deal.
Let me start at the beginning.
Teina was born June 16 1993 to Rod and Sherylin Lowry. We had many things in common, like our dark hair, we both had dark eyes, loved our Grandpa Atwood, She liked volleyball, I did as well, We both played soccer, and liked to scare our moms with random stuff we would do. She was a good baby, and well I was not.
Fast Forward- we were both 7 and Aunt Sherylin had the lovely joy of taking care of both of us, Teina the quiet one (at the time) and me (the not so quiet one). Oh the adventures we had, the games we created. Sometimes we would drive my aunt CRAZY because we would take so long to return home from school because we would get lost in the adventure of the 3 block walk. We spent summers eating popsicles and bugging Phoenix and Sheona. We would create stories from our imaginations, and tell scary stories.
Fast forward a few more years- Entering Jr high. It felt like a glorified elementary, but Teina convinced me to try out for volley ball! And I made the team! (There were no cuts haha ) but we had fun. We practiced together with Ylanna to help us get better. Throughout Jr high we both did, until I no longer did sports due to an injury. Oh I loved the times at practice, or after school, lunch times with the family, and when Teina and I would race to her house to get Corn Chowder before Nathaniel could eat it all.
Fast Forward some more- Graduation was here! Golly gee, neither of us knew what we wanted to do or where we were going. We had a good sense of our friends, and basic school, then diplomas came, Teina had a concussion, and she had to take the test! She was MAD! and I mean... loud Lowry mad. (if you don't know what that is, I'm not sure whether to say try and find out, or that you are lucky)
A few years past and Teina says, "DANG SHAY! We are old. 4 years out of high school. When did this happen and how have we not grown up!?"
We still try to beat Nathaniel for corn chowder, we do try a little less to bug the little sisters, still sneak popsicles from uncle Rod, and still talk about the future.
Fast forward to a moment. Early in the morning of January 20th 2015, when her loving spirit left her broken body. Leaving a crater in the hearts of hundreds, where her life used to be.
I want to find someone to blame. I wanted to wake up this morning and have it all be some sick and twisted dream, but instead, this is our new reality. This is her families new reality. It won't be the same, and no, if you're wondering, we are not okay. We lost a daughter, a sister, a cousin, and a friend. We are not okay. We hurt. I still want to find a place to put blame, because we feel as humans if we blame it somewhere then it somehow makes it slightly better. But it doesn't.
In the midst of pain, we often receive small blessings, I found this quote that gave me solace to my blame. It reads, "Some may ask, 'What have we done wrong to deserve this?' The answer is nothing. If you attach suffering to sin only, then how do you explain the suffering of Christ when he said 'Life is a test.'" This was nothing any of us did wrong, maybe this was something Teina did right. A soul as loving and kind as her, finished her test, completed her goal, and was taken away from this sinful world. Maybe just maybe, this is what she was needed for. To teach a family how to love, to show me how to live, and to be a part of the greatest adventure of all, life.
Me? I tend to think I'm bad at grieving. Let me explain. I'm really good at distracting, putting up a happy face, and being strong for those around me. I'm incredibly good at masking certain emotions, and even better at helping others forget their grief. But when I'm alone, it all hits me, and then I don't know how to deal.
Let me start at the beginning.
Teina was born June 16 1993 to Rod and Sherylin Lowry. We had many things in common, like our dark hair, we both had dark eyes, loved our Grandpa Atwood, She liked volleyball, I did as well, We both played soccer, and liked to scare our moms with random stuff we would do. She was a good baby, and well I was not.
Fast Forward- we were both 7 and Aunt Sherylin had the lovely joy of taking care of both of us, Teina the quiet one (at the time) and me (the not so quiet one). Oh the adventures we had, the games we created. Sometimes we would drive my aunt CRAZY because we would take so long to return home from school because we would get lost in the adventure of the 3 block walk. We spent summers eating popsicles and bugging Phoenix and Sheona. We would create stories from our imaginations, and tell scary stories.
Fast forward a few more years- Entering Jr high. It felt like a glorified elementary, but Teina convinced me to try out for volley ball! And I made the team! (There were no cuts haha ) but we had fun. We practiced together with Ylanna to help us get better. Throughout Jr high we both did, until I no longer did sports due to an injury. Oh I loved the times at practice, or after school, lunch times with the family, and when Teina and I would race to her house to get Corn Chowder before Nathaniel could eat it all.
Fast Forward some more- Graduation was here! Golly gee, neither of us knew what we wanted to do or where we were going. We had a good sense of our friends, and basic school, then diplomas came, Teina had a concussion, and she had to take the test! She was MAD! and I mean... loud Lowry mad. (if you don't know what that is, I'm not sure whether to say try and find out, or that you are lucky)
A few years past and Teina says, "DANG SHAY! We are old. 4 years out of high school. When did this happen and how have we not grown up!?"
We still try to beat Nathaniel for corn chowder, we do try a little less to bug the little sisters, still sneak popsicles from uncle Rod, and still talk about the future.
Fast forward to a moment. Early in the morning of January 20th 2015, when her loving spirit left her broken body. Leaving a crater in the hearts of hundreds, where her life used to be.
I want to find someone to blame. I wanted to wake up this morning and have it all be some sick and twisted dream, but instead, this is our new reality. This is her families new reality. It won't be the same, and no, if you're wondering, we are not okay. We lost a daughter, a sister, a cousin, and a friend. We are not okay. We hurt. I still want to find a place to put blame, because we feel as humans if we blame it somewhere then it somehow makes it slightly better. But it doesn't.
In the midst of pain, we often receive small blessings, I found this quote that gave me solace to my blame. It reads, "Some may ask, 'What have we done wrong to deserve this?' The answer is nothing. If you attach suffering to sin only, then how do you explain the suffering of Christ when he said 'Life is a test.'" This was nothing any of us did wrong, maybe this was something Teina did right. A soul as loving and kind as her, finished her test, completed her goal, and was taken away from this sinful world. Maybe just maybe, this is what she was needed for. To teach a family how to love, to show me how to live, and to be a part of the greatest adventure of all, life.
Not a day will go by that we won't grieve for you, but grief isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of love. And we love you.
Well said....and well done.
ReplyDelete