In the Daylight

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I'm just a girl sitting here, wondering about the mysteries of the universe.

I sat outside on a starry night under the blood wolf super moon waiting to feel the change the air has inside of it.

"I'm searching for authentic, true, and loyal people who deeply love me." I whisper to myself as my shutter clicks.

I felt the change I was seeking start to take root, I knew it would soon grow, but I was not prepared for what it would bring. I was not prepared to have you standing in the sun. There was no way I planned that there would be no more shadows surrounding who you were, and more so who I was in relation. The change in the air, brought in the truth I needed to visualize what was happening.

Since that moment a shift has happened, to me, in clarity. It was like the blinders were ripped off and I was thrust in to the brightness of the noon day sun. I could see everything, there's no shadows, no more questions, no more doubt, only knowledge.

The funny thing is that night's statement though it's powerful to me, is a reminder to the universe to bring a much needed cleanse. To wash away anything that wasn't that.

I had only thought of addition in this moment, I was once again under prepared for subtraction.

Naively I sat there thinking of all the bright spots and happiness, all the new and exciting, all the wonderful change that I was asking for. Now in the standing directly under the sun, I feel the subtraction, the cleansing of people who do not fit the description I had pleaded for one night.

Subtraction hurts, seeing everything hurts, but more so learning how to navigate those feelings without the ability to even admit them causes just a little more personal suffering. Salt to the wound.

So yes, I'm just a girl sitting here wondering about the mysteries of the universe, and how to better prepare my mantras to bring about a more direct need. 

To look up and see is better than to force the eyes down and ignore.