One of my close girl friends has been in a terrible relationship for 2 years now.
Over and over again this man has cheated, lied, used, and took for granted my amazing friend. And time and time again she took him back when he said he was sorry, that he didn't mean what he said, and the other girls he slept with meant nothing. Quickly a loop was formed which is hard to break.
Tonight marked the end of it for good. She's getting her stuff back, and finally kicking him to the curb. When her and I were talking last night she said something that blew my mind.
She said, "Shay, I forgot how much I am worth, and that I am an amazing person. I forgot myself."
How many of us lose ourselves into something? Or someone?
How do we gain that back?
Where do we start? - The very beginning.
- Get RID of Whatever You are Losing Yourself To.
I know it hurts, I know it's hard. But if you look in the mirror and no longer see yourself, then you must face the pain, the hurt, and loss. Stand up for yourself because no one else will. This is the hardest step because often you will try to justify yourself into staying with it. - For Me? I'm human. I did the same thing. I would say, "It's not that bad." "But I still love him." "I've spent so much time with him." "No one else will want me." I justified bad behavior in order to protect myself from the pain of quitting my bad habit. (I say that because it's exactly what it is.) You cannot do this. Quit it. Cold turkey. End it yourself. Rip the band aid off, or forever allow it to kill your skin.
- Become Strong
This doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen when it's been one more day away from the bad. One more holiday or birthday separated. Time passes, each day and each day you strive alone without whatever you lost yourself to, is a win. That's one more day you are gaining yourself. We don't become strong alone. You will need to find someone who can be strong for you when you want to be weak. It's like a drug. Find a friend, parent, or loved one to confide in, and do it. Someone needs to know what you are going through and how you hurt. Then they can be your lighthouse in the darkness that you soon will feel surrounding. - For me? I moved to a different country and hid, it then caught up to me. I moved home and dealt with life, I confided in my mom and a dear friend whom made the difference for me. When I was scared, they were there. When I was upset, they held me. And when I needed a friend, they were it. But I did what I needed to do, I couldn't resist the drug, so I left it, far in my rear view mirror.
-Reminders.
This is the most important part. Remind yourself how beautiful you are. How loved you are, and how much you deserve. Remind yourself of the goodness that is in you. and believe in it. Surround yourself with people that are reminders of your new life, your new self, and your inside beauty. Don't spend time with mutual friends, or you will find yourself missing the habit. This stage is the stage that you will have strong, powerful days, where you feel on top of the world. Then you will have those low days again. However the wonderful thing about this, is more time has passed away from whatever you lost yourself to. More days without it, more time happy, closer to finding yourself. - For me? I wrote notes on my mirror that read, "You are amazing, beautiful and talented." "You deserve better." I looked at these every day for 3 years.
-DO YOU
Find out what you like to do. By yourself. Develop a new hobby, and stick with it. You need to be busy, but busily doing something productive. You need to find you. Do what makes you truly happy. You're past addiction will NOT make you happy. It never did, and it never will. Don't let your brain forget that. - For me? I found myself by beginning to design clothes. I spent my time, effort and heart into that. As I did this, I felt empowered and in charge of the outcome. There is NOTHING BETTER than feeling that. You will find yourself.
Lastly, SMILE
That habit took months, or years of your happiness without you knowing or allowing it. Don't give it one more day. Smile each chance you get, smile in the morning when you get ready, smile at lunch when it's your break, smile before you leave work. And smile when you walk into your house door alone. Smile as you sit on Facebook. A single smile can make the difference. Pretend you are happy, until one day you will realize you are no longer pretending.
To the world: I want you to know that you CAN do it. You don't need to change yourself, you just need to remind yourself of the value of you. Each of us have it, and each of us do not know how vast is it. Don't sell yourself short. Stop losing yourself. FIND THE BEST YOU. It's in there.
loves,
Shay!
Over and over again this man has cheated, lied, used, and took for granted my amazing friend. And time and time again she took him back when he said he was sorry, that he didn't mean what he said, and the other girls he slept with meant nothing. Quickly a loop was formed which is hard to break.
Tonight marked the end of it for good. She's getting her stuff back, and finally kicking him to the curb. When her and I were talking last night she said something that blew my mind.
She said, "Shay, I forgot how much I am worth, and that I am an amazing person. I forgot myself."
How many of us lose ourselves into something? Or someone?
How do we gain that back?
Where do we start? - The very beginning.
- Get RID of Whatever You are Losing Yourself To.
I know it hurts, I know it's hard. But if you look in the mirror and no longer see yourself, then you must face the pain, the hurt, and loss. Stand up for yourself because no one else will. This is the hardest step because often you will try to justify yourself into staying with it. - For Me? I'm human. I did the same thing. I would say, "It's not that bad." "But I still love him." "I've spent so much time with him." "No one else will want me." I justified bad behavior in order to protect myself from the pain of quitting my bad habit. (I say that because it's exactly what it is.) You cannot do this. Quit it. Cold turkey. End it yourself. Rip the band aid off, or forever allow it to kill your skin.
- Become Strong
This doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen when it's been one more day away from the bad. One more holiday or birthday separated. Time passes, each day and each day you strive alone without whatever you lost yourself to, is a win. That's one more day you are gaining yourself. We don't become strong alone. You will need to find someone who can be strong for you when you want to be weak. It's like a drug. Find a friend, parent, or loved one to confide in, and do it. Someone needs to know what you are going through and how you hurt. Then they can be your lighthouse in the darkness that you soon will feel surrounding. - For me? I moved to a different country and hid, it then caught up to me. I moved home and dealt with life, I confided in my mom and a dear friend whom made the difference for me. When I was scared, they were there. When I was upset, they held me. And when I needed a friend, they were it. But I did what I needed to do, I couldn't resist the drug, so I left it, far in my rear view mirror.
-Reminders.
This is the most important part. Remind yourself how beautiful you are. How loved you are, and how much you deserve. Remind yourself of the goodness that is in you. and believe in it. Surround yourself with people that are reminders of your new life, your new self, and your inside beauty. Don't spend time with mutual friends, or you will find yourself missing the habit. This stage is the stage that you will have strong, powerful days, where you feel on top of the world. Then you will have those low days again. However the wonderful thing about this, is more time has passed away from whatever you lost yourself to. More days without it, more time happy, closer to finding yourself. - For me? I wrote notes on my mirror that read, "You are amazing, beautiful and talented." "You deserve better." I looked at these every day for 3 years.
-DO YOU
Find out what you like to do. By yourself. Develop a new hobby, and stick with it. You need to be busy, but busily doing something productive. You need to find you. Do what makes you truly happy. You're past addiction will NOT make you happy. It never did, and it never will. Don't let your brain forget that. - For me? I found myself by beginning to design clothes. I spent my time, effort and heart into that. As I did this, I felt empowered and in charge of the outcome. There is NOTHING BETTER than feeling that. You will find yourself.
Lastly, SMILE
That habit took months, or years of your happiness without you knowing or allowing it. Don't give it one more day. Smile each chance you get, smile in the morning when you get ready, smile at lunch when it's your break, smile before you leave work. And smile when you walk into your house door alone. Smile as you sit on Facebook. A single smile can make the difference. Pretend you are happy, until one day you will realize you are no longer pretending.
To the world: I want you to know that you CAN do it. You don't need to change yourself, you just need to remind yourself of the value of you. Each of us have it, and each of us do not know how vast is it. Don't sell yourself short. Stop losing yourself. FIND THE BEST YOU. It's in there.
loves,
Shay!
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