The Inability to Act Normal

Commitment is a scary thing for me.

It's actually one of my bigger fears: to be stuck, to not have a way out, forever. It's scary.

But the funny thing is, that is how I view many commitments in life. I've developed this whole, "Live for the now" motto that sometimes it makes it hard for me to see into the future. It makes me scared.

Where does this fear come?

Many say it could be from my parents divorce....

Some say from past lovers gone bad....

And to some, it's just who am I.

No matter which it is, do I have control over my fears? Can I change this fear? Can I do something different?

Yes, the answer is yes.

Of course we want to live life in the now, but we also want to prepare for our future and who will be there. We not only need to see the success and everything that follows, but the moments and relationships that will be there with us.

Commitment is a scary thing for many.

Why?

Because the world tells us we don't have to commit.

-Random sex

-No contract phones

-Drop out dates

-Starter marriages

All of these things try to rewire our brains to tell us that it is bad to commit, that committing and settling down will be the end of us.
Then I ask, how can we end if we are still going.

I am told that it's just a change, a wonderful and welcome change if you handle commitment with maturity and pose.

My mom always said "If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it?"
I would answer, "Of course not! That's silly to follow everyone."

The same childish response matters for this. Just because the messed up view of the world is telling us not to commit or to be the type of person that would, doesn't mean we should just follow, if so then we are no better than lemmings.

Comments

Your "Thoughts and Prayers" Are Bullshit.

Yes. I said it. I also thoroughly agree with that statement. Here's why. As I've been going through pretty huge and life-changing medical problems, my family has been physically nowhere near me. Granted my intestine decided to swell up in Saskatoon, which isn't convenient for anyone. It's given me so much time to think, in some scary and painful moments. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a religious person, However from what I know, God, helped those in need, he didn't just pray for the sick, he visited them, and he served them. Let's imagine that when that blind guy came to he Jesus, Jesus said, "You're in my thoughts and prayers" and then left. That story would have turned out very differently. We all do and say things in our lives almost out of habit. Like think of how many times you've said "Hey how are you?" and not actually listened for the answer. Lots, I know. I do this ALL the time, and I'm working incr...

To the Moment When I Thought I was Dying

"This might be it." "Breathe." "I know it hurts, but breathe Shay. You need to breathe." For a moment I start to forget how important oxygen is, it’s like my body stops caring about breathing, it hurts too much, and it’s way too much work for the little o2 that’s coming to me. My body starts to comfort itself, things are going tingly, dark, and I’m getting cold. I can feel the laboring slowing down. The pain increases again, my eyes start to close, and my feet are completely numb. I feel a cold tear drip down the side of my face as my world slips into darkness. "No." "Wake up." "This isn’t it for you." "You aren’t going like this." I force another painful breath in. "Ouch." I could go on, and in more detail, however for the sake of my very terrified brain, that's the only piece you'll get from my journal. That came the second night I was...

Swing Sets

When I was a little girl, and it was recess I would run straight for the swing set. Teina, Josi, Dallin, and I would hurry our butts out to get the swings that we knew could go the highest. Then we would swing. We would jump off (sometimes get in trouble) and continue to swing. It became a place of peace for me. I never needed to worry about anything else other than pumping my legs, holding on, and letting go at the right time. I remember having major conversations on those swing sets, I remember tears, loneliness, happiness, and friendship. Lately, when I close my eyes I'm right back on that swing set, enjoying every moment of recess. Why is it that when we grow up we naturally leave the things that brought us peace and comfort as children? Why do we feel like we need something more in order to "properly" take care of our selves? Something so simple would bring such peace, and now in a time in my life where peace seems to be the last thing I can find, tod...

Living Life Under 5 Foot

Search This Blog